XI - Justice


"You know, sometimes, not always, we actually do get what we want, right? After all, life is a synchronicity of chance."

"Yeah, whatever . . ."

Ellen Degeneres * Mr. Wrong

May 14th:

It isn't fair, she pouted, glancing over at his house. A month and a day had passed since her arrival on the scene. Seen . . .

"I haven't seen shit!" she told herself.

Twice a week or so, she had made her way to the empty lot beside his house, never going any closer than fifty yards to it. She didn't want to alert attention. I don't want to be told to leave . . . On these days, she listened to music, sometimes she drank wine, wrote poetry, played. Party of one, smoking!

But nothing! No one ever came, or left. At night, the curtains had been open, but no one ever appeared inside. The lights went on and off is if on a timer. I'm wasting my time here! This can't be his house.

She watched the ocean ebb and flow. April tried to pretend that what she was doing achieved something, but her mind voice disagreed. Each day spent was not wasted . . . or was it? Digging in the dirt with a stick, she pondered her existence. Weighing the consequences, she figured that if she spent this many years obsessing, then it would take half as many years to forget. If she stopped right then, she could purge herself of the fixation in a little as three years.

But April hadn't let it go back then. In fact, it had only gotten more ingrained. By now, it would take six years to break the addiction to the fantasy.

That's when she heard a voice say, "You get what you deserve."

What if you deserve good?

What comes around, goes around.

You reap what you sow. So?

Karma . . .

College had taught her that principle, but in ways that were unintended. All the facts and figures poured forth, but were rearranged to fit in with her weird beliefs. It did little to help her grades. Her neurosis, however, grew in leaps and bounds.

In physics, she learned the 'to every action, there is an equal but opposite reaction.'

I love him . . . he hates me . . .

In electronics, she read P=IE (power equals current times resistance) or the force of the source is equivalent to the number of people inspired by the source multiplied by the controversy that arises due to the fact that the SOURCE EXISTS. Pi p equals 3.14159265+, symbolized by the sixteenth letter of the Greek alphabet, used in mathematics to represent the ratio of the circumference to the diameter of a circle. But the dictionary defined it as a jumbled mixture of anything but especially of printing type.

The Chart. The Pi in the sky . . . the wheel in the sky keeps on turning, don't know where I'll be tomorrow.

"I don't know where I am today!"

At least she had remembered to bring a dictionary with her.

The wind caught the pages, gently tugging them. She laid her arm over the open book, brushing her hair back with her other hand. Where was it? She scanned up and down the page until her eyes fell onto the word.

chance, n. [ME . . .] - (definition 1) . . .apparent absence of cause or design. destiny; fortune: often personified;

as, chance could not rule the world.

2. A happening; fortuitous event; accident; as, to meet a person by chance.

She amused herself like this for a few more weeks that year, without any success. One night, she buried the present.

The Present . . . the past.

After that, she didn't return for a long time.

This May was different. April was sure of that. Plans for the Tea Party were going smoothly, except for one detail. Chance still had not responded to the invitation. Granted, it was still ten months away.

Lots of people haven't responded.

She concentrated on the ones who had. Mostly.

By now, it became necessary to organize Yes Oui` Si` into an institution, where people could meet and volunteers would work.

Not in my house!

She located office space in the warehouse district downtown, donated to the cause for the next year. No lease, no rent - just utilities, which were sponsored by Big T's. College students interned willingly, and press releases brought a multitude of advertisers. Already, she had received three hundred, thirty two RSVP's, impressive but not quite a third of the guest list.

She was sure that May would have been instrumental in arranging this event, but in her absence, April dedicated herself to diligence in her sister's honor.

Once she does show up, she'll be soooo impressed! And besides, May, this is all your fault anyway. If you hadn't taken me to that show, I wouldn't be so obsessed. See what you made me do?

"I guess I get what I deserve, huh, May?"

But, did May deserve what she got?